Thursday, April 8, 2010

I bet you I can link the Kyrgyz riots to Islamo-Fascist Terrism

Kyrgyzstan. It's happening. I am, by all counts, a blathering punk for not seeing it coming. This site's tagline should probably be, "AJK: blatantly making stuff up since, oh 2009 or so."

So I might as well have fun with this. I wonder how I could get some dude to fund me to do some analysis for them? I know! I'll link spontaneous domestic riots over corruption, state bankruptcy, and fuel prices to Islamicism. That'll get me to where I want to go.

Bakiyev came to power in 2005. Tulip Revolution blah blah blah. He was also named Supreme Soviet in the city of Kokjanggak, which is near Jalalabad (Kg variety). Jalalabad is also the name of a city in Afghanistan. Coincidence? Hardly.

Bakiyev made the news in early 2009 for threatening to close Manas Air Base. Which is, of course, a huge big important base for the Global War on Terror. Lots of bickering later, its renamed Transit Center at Manas International Airport.

As we all know, Obama is a sleeper agent for Islamic terror groups trying to bring down America. Goes without saying, almost. He likely had a secret deal with Bakiyev in place to bring down Manas in his attempt to end the fight in Afghanistan. BHO was understandably upset when Russia made the US lose face and the Manas deal ended up being continued. BHO was out for revenge.

He calls up his bretheren in the IMU. The IMU, as Ahmed Rashid can tell us, is only the beginning of a sweeping movement that will turn all of Central Asia into a new Caliphate. Because there used to be a Caliphate in Central Asia and all. That's definitely how the Timurids would define themselves. Getting agents into Talas to start trouble is easy. It's mountainous, etc. Plus, all Turkic people kind of look the same and they all speak Arabic, so its tough to tell one from the other.

The agents then begin to spread rumors, first of Russian involvement, then of energy price increases. People begin to get angry. They go to the government buildings to address their grievances. One of our Islamicist agent provocateurs begins throwing rocks, etc. Begin the violence.

Roza Otunbayeva announces herself as head of the interim government. Classic wolf-in-sheeps clothing (b/c women are meek and all). Remember: Benazir Bhutto funded all sorts of Islamicists in Afghanistan. Do not be fooled. Like Bhutto, she appears very Western at face, but has links to who-knows-where. She will be continuing funding for the IMU to continue their destabilization of Uzbekistan while, using her Russian contacts, usher in the end of the Manas airbase, thus the war in Afghanistan, thus American freedom + democracy.

Other Possible Angles:
  • Otunbayeva has done an incredible amount for the Soviets back in their day, and currently works with the Kyrgyz Social Democratic Party. Aforementioned Russian involvement was all-too real. This is the beginning of Cold War II. Or even better...THE NEW GREAT GAME! Do you want to your kids speaking Russian and eating borscht? Nyet, komrade!
  • Talas is the home of the other Manas, the "National Story of the Kyrgyz people" and other Wilsonian sorts of things. There is a lot of symbolism in this national uprising beginning in Talas. What we see here is the essentialized voice of a people yearning to be free from their colonial yokes: from Russian socialism, American capitalism, and Arab Islamicism. This uprising -at least a thousand years in the making- will allow the Kyrgyz to freely elect the people who they believe in, who will make their nation-state great. Robert Kaplan told me so.
So those are my theories. Or, you know, its sensational nihilist violence writ-large. There are all sorts of fun narratives out there!


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